so i dyed my hair. my bangs are blonde. the rest is this orange/copper/red/brown color. the box called it cool rose. and dance has been frustrating lately. and strange enough, it's cause i'm doing really well. like my teacher went around and told us stuff to work on. she spent like five minutes on this one girl and then turned to me and had nothing to say. she says she wants me to 'dance out' more. but that's like...nothing. i was kinda hoping she'd have something bad to say. i don't feel like i'm improving at all. i'm just staying at the same level. whatever. back to my hair. so i got some interesting responses to it. most people liked it. only the freshmen think it's strange. one kid called it a bird's nest. one guy claims he 'can't get used to it'. he's lame though and is always pissing me off. so he doesn't count. this little chinese boy says it looks like i'm wearing a mask....dunno how he got that. the chinese fob in my chinese class did a double take from across the courtyard. it was pretty funny. he says my hair looks like ice cream. my entire chinese class went silent when i walked in the room. and sean, oh silly sean. i hope that's how he spells his name... anyways. so he totally saw me when i walked into class on monday. so i sat down and like ten minutes into class i turn to face him and he's like, "woah! you dyed your hair." his expression was priceless. so sean. i think i might have made it to friend level. i still can't get over how much he's changed since last year... so today we had a quiz. of course sean forgot. academics wise he's a really bad asian example. he's always skipping class and failing tests. so he immediatly turned to me and told me to move my desk closer. (so he could cheat) i did. and gave him my homework from yesterday since he had skipped. so he copied down the answers. then the quiz. me him and this girl sarah all worked together, in complete secrecy. and we all finished except for two problems. i had my review sheet just inside my backpack, do i'd lift the pocket open and slide down in my seat to find a character and then copy it onto my paper. which then sean copied. sean's imitation of me trying to look at my review sheet was adorable. sean is officially adorable. i still can't figure out if i'm crushing on him or not though. cause i don't get that nervous feeling when i'm around him that i get simply from being within 50 meters of kaiso. but aghghghgh. i can't get over how cute sean is. ciao. <3

so, there's this kid in my chinese class.
well, a guy. not so much a kid i guess.
anyways.
so last year i was always making fun of him.
not directly towards him.
and nothing mean.
i would just tease about him with friends(mainly shige).
so i dunno how he spells his name, but i think it's sean. (or shaun. but....)
so now this year i've recently discovered i started crushing on him.

i finally have heard him talk.
all last year he maybe spoke twenty words in class?
seemed like it anyways.
so now i sit next to him.
and he talks.
he has the most amazing accent ever.
cause apparently he's a fob from japan.
so he's got that japanese accent.
he has a good chinese accent though, it's not all flat and weird.

and he finally learned how to dress asian.
last year he looked funny.
it's very frustrating that i can't find him on facebook.
i'll just have to get his phone number.
which he gave to the girl sitting behind him.
and stupid me didn't realize to copy it down.
oh well.
he's adorable.

sean.
i take back everything i've said about you in the past.

so my chinese teacher hates me now.
but i don't dread her class anymore.
since i get to see sean.

and yeah.
:]

as much as i love yesung.
he just can't fit in with shinee.
his voice is so much deeper.
and he kinda sucks at dancing.
ah yesung, i love you. xDD

so i'm hating myself right now.
i totally just found shinee's ring ding dong.
best shinee song ever!!!
but taemin fails at being sexy.
he's too adorable.
he keeps smiling.
and hella people are commenting on how 'queer' they are.
makes me laugh.
being rather queer myself. :]

i may have done an entry on this before.
but oh well.
i hate compliments.
it's not that i don't like other people liking me/what i'm wearing.
but i certainly don't need someone telling me they like my clothes.
i'll wear what i want even if everyone says it's ugly.
compliments are just for self conscious people to feel good about themselves.
or not.
i know plenty of self conscious people who start arguing with you and complaining about how fat or ugly they are.

i also fail at responding to compliments.
most of the compliments i get are from very self conscious friends. so when they compliment me it sounds more like, "you look cool. i wish i could look like that. but i'd look bad/i have no courage."
and it's the most annoying thing ever.
just fucking wear the suspenders if you like them.
don't start complaining that you like them. you want some. but then say that you'll never wear them.

also, white clothes?
not that hard to keep clean.
there's this guy at school.
he will only eat sitting at a table.
he never sits in the hall with us, never sits outside with us.
so there's no chance of his white clothes getting dirty.
me, i go to school wearing all white and i go home spotless.
hell i biked to one of my dance performances in the middle of a storm in white skinny jeans and they were still clean.

so yeah.
basically people with no backbone or brains piss me off.

so i had a semi deep conversation with my mom about ocd and other related things the other day.
so i've decided to list various things i notice i HAVE to do that i don't see other people doing.
nothing i do bothers me or gets in the way of life.
but it is certainly annoying when people don't realize it's not just my preference, but that i HAVE to do it.

• sleep on top of my sheets with my sheets pulled over the pillows.
• sleep with my head on my teddy bear ontop of the pillows/sheets.
• clothes either hung up or scattered on my bed. they can't be folded or in drawers.
• one fork to serve food, a different fork to eat the food with.
• can't eat food upside down. and can't stand watching other people eat food upside down. especially cookies.
• sandwiches are eaten from the non crust side towards the crust.
• toast is crust first, unless it's being dunked in milk.
• have to wipe plate off before having seconds.
• the film of milk left in a glass is gross so i can never fully finish a glass unless it's chocolate milk.
• texts require punctuation.
• can't eat sushi rice with a fork. has to be chopsticks.
• pick cat fur off of clothes before i can wear them.
• have to pick all of the rubber turf and fake grass out of my shoes and soccer cleats.
• have to have a lamp directly next to my bed because the last light in my room can only be turned off after i'm under the covers.
• have to slice off the top layer of butter even if it's fresh out of the fridge.
• can't have crumbs in the butter.
• can't drink cereal milk cause of the crumbs floating in it.
• can't eat soggy cereal.
• can't look at people's wrists, feet, tendons, any anatomy really.
• can't concentrate on cleaning or homework unless it's after dark. usually around 9.
• can't write with capitals and lowercase. has to all be capital or all lower case unless i'm EXAGGERATING something.
• i have to be dying of thirst to drink water, otherwise i eat cup fulls of ice.
• foods on my plate can't be touching.
• i'll eat pasta. and i'll eat cheese. but the cheese can't be on the pasta.
• can't sleep in any bed but my own unless i'm like passing out point of tired.
• can't wear pants, socks or long sleeves to bed unless it's freezing.
• can't write in pencil. it's gotta be pen. preferably red pen which drives my teachers crazy.

so that's all i can think of right now.
i'm sure there's more.

so kurt is amazing.
but i just realized why wheelchair kid is so familiar.
he's kevin from nlt, isn't he?
i'm so dumb.

ciao.
<3

it's strange how people view other people.
everyone has different opinions about other people.
like in this case i'm talking about my friend fidel.
i've known him since 6th grade, that's almost 6 years i've known him.
but i don't hang out with him outside of class.
he's been to my house maybe five times tops.
but he's such amazing friend.
and he's definitely been there for me emotionally.
which most people would think was crazy.

fidel jokes around a lot.
maybe too much.
he's pretty perverted and is constantly openly hitting on our teacher and the girls in class.
people automatically think he's some sex maniac or something.
these two freshman in our class are way creeped out by him.
i keep telling them he's not serious.
but they already have a set view on him.
i guess they've never seen him serious before.

i completely trust him.
and he trusts me.
at least i'm pretty sure he does.
cause i'm always stealing his wallet, ipod, phone, etc.
but he knows i won't go through his stuff or keep any of it.
we joke around a lot.
our 7th grade teacher hated us.
we'd talk all the time.
and i slept in class while we were reading romeo and juliet.
fidel would turn the pages of my book for me.
those were fun times.

i think i've mentioned this in some other post...
but most people treat me differently.
like, they think they know me so they act like they do.
but fidel treats me like a person.
especially when we're in soccer class.
i suck at soccer, used to be good, but i stopped playing.
he'll still pass to me.
still directs me when he's goalie.
it always feels great when he includes me in the games.
as strange as that sounds.
i'm just naturally bad with strangers.
so the other people on my teams will just run by me.
i only really met fidel cause he started talking to me way back in 6th grade.

and yeah.
he's amazing.
so people need to stop hating on him for being flirty with all the girls.
he's not into them.
so all those freshman need to stop being dramatic when he carries one of them across the field.
sheesh.



(fidel's on the right)

ciao.
<3

so kaiso hill.
i first met him this year, end of september/early october ish.
during the musical a chorus line.
i think he thought i was creepy at first.
cause i was taking pictures of the cast while they rehearsed and he kept pointing towards me and talking with annie chin.

i don't know when i started liking him.
but i did.
and he'd always thank me after each show.
and on closing night i finally got to de-mic him.
de-micing people is fun but it can be gross.
not kaiso though.
or else i was too busy thinking about how i was wrapping my arms around his half naked self to unwrap the mic pouch.

so i took a bunch of pics of him during the show and stole his prop during strike.
i then "found" it when everyone thought it was lost and i returned it to him.
he was so grateful and wouldn't stop thanking me.

so weeks passed and then what do you know, i saw him at school during passing period.
and i'd NEVER seen him at school before.
i didn't have the courage to say hi so i stood against the wall opposite of him and watched him till he left.
i was insanely depressed after lunch that day.
no one could get me to talk during class.
it was insane.
that night i hopped on facebook chat:

Aaron 9:48pm
hey, how's life now that chorus line is over? :]
Kaiso 9:52pm
its alright, it sucked at first
by now im getting over it
Aaron 9:54pm
yeah, i miss having something to do afterschool.
i saw you at lunch today. tried to say hi but it was kinda crowded in the halls
Kaiso 9:55pm
oh, i didn't see u! yeah I hate the halls... so chaotic
Aaron 9:57pm
yeah, you were standing near my locker but way too many people. next time!
it's kind of ridiculous how crowded the halls are
Kaiso 9:59pm
yep, well next time I'll say wasup
Aaron 10:01pm
cool :]
Kaiso 10:03pm
k c u later i got some home work to finish. ugh!
Aaron 10:03pm
ha, same. see ya
Kaiso 10:04pm
bye
10:07pm Kaiso is offline.

he's usually only online for a few minutes between 9 and 10.
but i've only talked to him online that one time.

then a week or two later, aka yesterday.
i saw him in a bright ass pink shirt.
that was when i froze up and couldn't say hi.
beat myself up over it all the rest of the day.
maria kept telling me i'd get another chance.
and sure enough. today.
friday the thirteenth.
the day things are supposed to go wrong.

i waited outside the building he had class in after i got out of my soccer class.
he was maybe 25 feet directly to my left when i finally yelled his name.
he turned.
and i waved.
took him a moment to figure out who i was from the distance.
but he smiled and waved.
think he said hey but he was too far away to hear.
he turned and went to class.
the bell was about to ring.
not that i cared.
i'm always late for class.
but kaiso is a good student.
i turned after he did and instantly my eyes watered.
it took everything in me not to start crying.

then after 5th i was walking with my crippled buddy.
i was sad that i wouldn't see him again that day.
but when my friend had to take a break. (she's on crutches)
kaiso was right in front of us.
"hey, twice in one day."
he smiled again.
he has the most perfect smile.
and his hair is all neat.
and his stud earrings.
i felt like an idiot after we parted.
i should have said something more then.
"hey, yup, twice."
but whatever.
too late now.

unfortunantly he's not very photogenic.
but he's so hot in person.
and his voice has a slight accent.
it's amazing.
so here's two pics of him from a chorus line.

so basically.
i've decided my favorite movie of the year.
for 2010.
what's that you say?
it's not 2010 yet?
who cares.
bandage is going to be AMAZING.

cause akanishi jin is BEYOND AMAZING.
and i've been waiting for this movie for like....2 years maybe?
SO JUICED.
i wish it'd play in theatres here. though.
cause it took over half a year for the kurosagi movie to be released with subs.

here's the theme song.



ciao.
<3

first off, just watched wedding dress.
lyle beniga choreographed it, right?
i can recognize his moves a mile away.
he's the most amazing choreographer.

the video was so sad.
;____;

so yesterday i saw kaiso but i froze and didn't say hi.
i TOLD him i would say hi if i ever saw him at school.
i SWORE to myself i'd say hi and not freeze like the first time i'd seen him in the hall.
but yesterday i froze.
and i beat myself up over it.
but then alejandro was way hot and kept looking at me during group.
so confusing.

but today i waited outside the building till kaiso came out.
i almost didn't say anything.
i was so close to freezing.
at the last second i called out his name and he turned. smiled. waved and continued to class.
my eyes watered and had i not been about to walk into my classroom, i would have broken down into tears right there.
i dunno why.
i should have been happy i finally said hi to him.
but it just made me feel worse.

then walking to 6th period i was down cause i knew i wouldn't see him.
i was walking with manny's girlfriend who's on crutches.
and magic.
i saw kaiso.
more magic.
manny's girlfriend's jacket and bag were slipping so she had to stop and adjust them.
so naturally i stopped.
kaiso almost didn't notice me but i caught his gaze for a moment and he smiled and said, "twice in one day."
which might not seem very exciting.
but it was.
cause when we talked a few weeks ago via facebook chat, i had told him that i saw him in the hall but it was too crowded to say hi.
so we both agreed if we saw one another we'd say hi.

so i spent the day with a mixture of happiness, butterflys, and self hate.
when i got home and looked in a mirror i realized how horrible i looked today.
and i NEVER complain about how i look.
why couldn't i have said hi to him yesterday?
i looked amazing yesterday.

and now i'm nervously waiting for him to log onto facebook.
maybe i'll do a post later explaining who kaiso is.
and how amazing he is.
and how gay i swear wish he was.

ciao.
</3

so yeah, it's been a while since i've updated.
not much has happened.
but at the same time 5 million things have happened.

there are now two boys in my dance group.
one is 12 the other 1s 13 or 14. both are insanely immature.
i can't stand them.

i'm going to the sf hip hop dance fest on november 20th.
anyone else going?

kaiso hill is the most amazing person ever.

a chorus line was the last musical i worked.

i want a job.

my black nike busted.
i'll up pics later maybe.

holding back a rant about how many people are hating on gd's a boy mv.
it's so cool.
those haters are just dumb.

i'm going through a vietnam war obsession cause we're learning bout it in english.
we watched full metal jacket and now we're watching apocalypse now.
amazing movies.
and martin sheen was really hot.
he's like 60 something now.
not so hot anymore.
so i feel a little creeped out by that.

and yeah.
that's about it.
not gonna go into life details cause i'd rather be eating chocolate and watching apoc now.

oh, well my kendo dojo is gonna be on the news tonight.
dunno why.
i miss kendo.
haven't gone to practice in over a year.

but my dad had a second interview for this job in oakland today.
so hopefully he'll get the job.
then i can go back to kendo and horse back riding.

ciao.
<3

can't remember if i've posted these.
but i decided that rather then talking about my amazing day.
i'd post art i've made in various classes.
i have way more and a whole bunch that i haven't scanned yet.
but yeah.
everything is in sharpie or ballpoint pen.
sometimes both.

so my brother was on the wii creating a mii for everyone in the family.
he's 10 years old.
he creates all of us based on how he sees us.
like he made my dad really scary and mean looking.
and my mom was kinda evil too.
but he made me look good and asked my opinion a lot.

then he picked up 'mii dad' and mii dad was flailing around.
my brother said "look, dad is hitting mom!"

it's interesting seeing how little kids react to bad family situations.

i went riding today.
for the first time in at least a year.
i rode a super tall chestnut named isaak.
he was pretty lazy. took a lot to get him going.
like kanaida.
and afterwards while i was untacking him he rested his head against me to get face pets.
like kanadia.

during the car ride home i cried some.
death is a strange thing.
one minute your close friend is there and the next he's gone.
the day after i found out i had stayed at shige's house.
i sat on the porch. and when he and jenna came back from the stables i was still sitting there.
it hadn't seemed like that long a time to me.
but i'd basically sat outside for 4+ hours without realizing it.

kanaida meant so much to me.
no horse will ever mean anywhere near as much to me.
and no horse will ever connect the same way me and kanaida did.
like isaak.
he's slow, lazy, food motivated, but i have to actually work to turn him or to make him go faster.
kanaida and i worked so well together.
sure he was a brat and took off downhill on trails and would run me into stuff.
but when i first met him, he gave me confidence and taught me to canter.
taught me to jump, sort of.
taught me to gallop.
he taught me so much and i was never able to repay him other then bringing him treats everytime i went out to the barn.
i had a whole plan to buy him and move him to a different barn.
i had the money.
but my mom stopped paying for my riding time so his buying money was spent on riding him.
in a way i feel like i failed him.
his last months were spent with wavering health and hating the world because of the summer camp.

i don't think i'll ever fully be able to move on.
but if i'm able to continue riding then at some point i'll find a horse in need.
and this time i'll be sure to help it.

ciao.
</3

so a bit late, i stumbled across super junior m's supergirl.
and i'm addicted.
i'm so glad there's a korean group that can sing in mandarin.
when dbsk did, i couldn't understand them at all.

in the mv they all look like they're having so much fun.
i hope they are.

this just made my day.
why?
cause yesung is adorable.
screw the kids.
xDD
i miss yesung's brown hair. that was his best hairstyle and color of all time.

i woke up late.
but then me and my mom spent HOURS planning the remodel of my room and we basically have a plan now.
we just have to start.
i'm excited.

and my yesasia package arrived.
heartbreaker, i was afraid to touch it.
black & white, now i have something to watch as i wait for my insomnia to leave.
feilunhai's album, isn't in a cd case, it's like a record case with a blip for the cd. it's weird and awkward to store.
but the pictures are AMAZING.
and it came with a little notebook with yalun and jiro on it.

i'm a happy camper.
<3

AND i just saw gd's debut stage.
so amazing.
i'm just glad he didn't slip on the tiles that detached from the floor.
that would have been horrible.
and he looked so happy during breathe.
<3333

ciao.
<3

okay, so maybe i'm a little over protective and have super high standards.
but i HATE when people say they're a fan of someone, they love someone, and then they always add a but.
"i love so and so BUT i don't like his new hair."
"i'm a big fan of so and so BUT i don't like him doing such and such."

nononononono.

if you cannot support the person in everything they do(up to a certain point) i don't think you can consider yourself a true loving fan.

i have more stupid quotes from youtube.
cause any video posted with even a picture of gd in it makes the stupid people gather and they all gossip.
i spend my spare time thumbs downing them and selecting their comments as spam.
cause i have nothing better to do with my life.

"seriously, i'm sick and tired of them getting all defensive. it's not like i hate GD; i LIKE him which is why i critized him b/c i believe he can do better. whatever, let them do whatever they want. 

i dunno about this song being plagiarized tho since i dont listen to flo rida's songs. But i think butterfly is plagiarized...."

"i'm a fan of GD too which the reason for my harsh criticism. He can surely do better than this."

"i still love him even if he looks like lady gaga"

"i luhh his hair, buhh hes kinda different"

"g-dragon where did you go..."

"NO MORE GANGSTA GDragon :( now HE BECOME EMO GDRAGON !!!"

"emo rap like kanye lol"

"just because other artists have digital and techno feel to their music doesnt mean GD has to."

"and what is with his image? 
i know he's sets style trends but seriously, this is mind boggling. His style is excessively feminine. His new image makes me cringe. Sorry guys"



AND THEN
there's one comment that made me smile.
"this is GD style!!"



i'm not even complaining over all these people for talking bout any of that plagerism shit.
i'm just severely pissed at how they don't consider him a human. if his 'style' changed. so what? it's still him.
if anything i think he seems way happier then even a year ago. he smiles way more and has matured some. i seriously don't get how he can go on every day knowing how much shit people talk about him.

i'm so frikken desperate i'm gonna put the vid on my broken ipod video.
the audio doesn't work and one corner of the screen is dead.
but if i download the song and put it on my ipod nano then i can sync them and it'll work.
also i'll put it on my friend's working ipod video since i have it.
but i have to give him back his ipod on friday when i see him.

i really need a working ipod.
i'm tempted to get an itouch, but only cause i like the screen.
i can't stand touch screens though, so i dunno how long i could live with it.

ciao.
<3